


Real Enough

by Woollycas



Series: Season 15 codas [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s15e02 Raising Hell, Feelings, Kissing, M/M, spn 15x02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-26 23:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21109199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woollycas/pseuds/Woollycas
Summary: Dean doesn't know what's real so Cas shows him with lots of kissing.





	Real Enough

_We are._

The words echo through Dean’s mind as he walks out of the room —away from Cas. He stops just outside the room and takes a deep breath, his lungs filling, his chest expanding. 

_They are real._

Without letting his mind further explore that thought, he turns and walks back into the room, slamming the door behind him. Cas hasn’t moved, his face a look of grim disappointment. Dean takes a determined step towards him and crowds up to him, grabbing the lapels of Cas’s coat, desperate, knuckles white. He pulls Cas closer to him as he simultaneously pushes him back against the far wall. The momentum pushes them together when Cas hits the wall. Dean doesn’t make eye contact —he can’t. Instead, he tracks Cas’s mouth as it opens in surprise at Dean’s move. 

_We are._

Dean kisses him. It’s hard, uncoordinated. Cas doesn’t kiss him back. 

Dean pulls away from Cas. His eyes are closed and his breath short. He clutches Cas’s coat a fraction harder and shakes him, more in a frustrated plea than in anger. He lets his hands fall and opens his eyes then. Cas is staring at him, his face inscrutable.

“Dean.”

Cas’s hand comes up to cup Dean’s face. It’s warm, and Dean starts to lean into it almost immediately. He starts to lean into Cas. Cas kisses him on the cheek. It’s chaste and soft —a pebble of comfort. 

Dean doesn’t want it. 

He grabs Cas’s forearm, meaning to tear it away, to brush him away. 

_They’re real._

He stops and simply cradles Cas’s arms. Their faces are close and he tilts his head a fraction, and their faces touch. 

It feels real being this close to Cas. It feels real to want this. A flash of Chuck’s shit-eating grin passes through Dean’s mind, and something deep inside him twists, making him catch his breath. 

_None of this is real._

In a blink, Dean finds himself the one against the wall. Cas moves into his space, kissing him. It’s searing, passionate, and Dean can’t help himself. He whimpers a tiny bit and opens his mouth, kissing Cas back. 

All thoughts scatter to the wind as Cas’s tongue slides along his own, as Cas nips at his lower lip, as Cas’s hand moves from tracing his cheek to tugging at his hair. It’s not painful, but tears gather at the corners of Dean’s closed eyes anyway, threatening to fall. 

Cas breaks the kiss and Dean works his hand under his trench and suit coats, finding the small of his back. He pulls him in again, feeling the taunt muscles, firm form, and solidness pressed fully against him. 

_Cas is real._

They kiss again, their bodies aligned, no space between them. While one of Cas’s hands continues to card through Dean’s hair, the other moves from Dean’s shoulder to cradle his face. His fingers trace the tears. He pulls away from Dean again and looks him in the eyes. Not blinking, he shifts his focus to his hand, fingers still damp. He licks his lips. Dean can’t help himself, and licks his own lips, mirroring Cas. He can’t help but want to dive back in, get lost in the moment and forget it all. 

Dean leans his forehead against Cas’s instead. They stay like that for a beat, just breathing in each other’s space. 

“I can’t trust this anymore, man,” Dean finally confesses. 

“Dean, I once only had faith in Heaven and God. I thought it was my righteous path. You taught me there was something more, something better to believe in —family, humanity. God might be pulling the strings and sending us down paths of destruction over and over again, but at the end of it all, we have always found the right way because we have each other. Who we are and what we believe in, is entirely on us. I’d say that’s a human feature that Chuck didn’t see coming.”

Dean grunts, hearing Cas’s words. It doesn’t stop the gnawing maelstrom in his gut. He wants to say more, to argue Cas’s words. He opens his mouth to say something biting, but just lets out a deflated huff instead. 

“You really doubt my feelings for you, Dean? You think that what we’ve created, what we’ve fought for, and what we’ve become over the years isn't real?”

Dean stays mute.

Cas’s fingers start to lightly dance across Dean’s shirt. Dean feels the tiny beats and looks down to watch Cas tug at the edge, his hand sliding under it. He feels Cas’s hand move. It’s warm on his skin and the swirling motion on his lower back tempers the chaotic energy of his mind a fraction. 

Cas dusts a pattern of kisses along his jaw, sucking a little just below his ear, and Dean melts into it. The hand that’s still in Dean’s hair tugs a little so he can trace a path down the column of Dean’s neck, licking along the hollow of his clavicle. Cas grabs the softness of Dean’s side then to pull him closer, drawing their hips together, and rocks a little. 

Dean makes a garbled noise and pulls Cas off his neck to find his mouth. Dean can’t help but think about how right —_and real_ —this feels, and how little he cares that they’re in a public space right now. Cas’s embrace is a welcome oasis. Their lips brush and Dean deepens the kiss almost instantly. He brings his hand up to cradle Cas’s jaw, the stubble like sandpaper on his grazing fingertips. 

The kissing is a blur of lips and caresses and hands and breath. Dean loses himself in it. He knows what Cas is doing. He knows this temporary distraction is not only a touchstone in their world turned upside-down, but an affirmation of all that they have together. 

Eventually, Cas pulls away, wiping his now kiss-swollen lips with his thumb. He takes a half-step back to look Dean properly. Dean wants to tame his mussed hair, straighten his crooked collar, but stares at him instead, catching his breath. 

Cas cocks his head a fraction and raises his eyebrow, before murmuring, “Is that real enough for you?”

_Real enough._

Dean wishes it is, but when they part, the doubts start to fray his mind once again.


End file.
